It is important for each of us to identify why we are motivated to make changes in our lives. What is our reason why? It’s been said that we can endure any how if the reason why is strong enough.

Like many of you, I told myself that my family, my daughter and my grandchildren were why I chose to lose weight. And they are … but that’s not enough. I started a program and dropped 24 pounds, but I’ve been stuck there for a week or so. It’s not because the program doesn’t work, or that it can only take me so far. It’s because my old habits came back. I told myself that I could probably tweak the program, cheat juuuust a little bit, and I would still lose weight. Actually, I prefer to use the term “shredding weight” because it seems counterproductive to me to make losing my stated goal, my purpose. So with that in mind, I told myself I could cheat a little here and there and still shred weight.

As I mentioned, I considered my family to be my reason why I chose to shred weight. And they are … but unfortunately for me, that’s not enough. Now I realize that, while they love me and support me in my efforts to reach a healthier weight, they will still love me anyway, even if I fail. For me to ultimately be successful, to push on, to shred another hundred pounds or more, I had to find another why. (Trust me when I tell you it is embarrassing to admit just how fat I had become.)

And I did. I found it in the one person that has been my worst enemy all my life. The guy who never hesitates to remind me that he always expects me to fail – every single time – and then when I do, he kicks me while I’m down.

Then he stands there and watches me get up and try again, lets me go a little while – just long enough to get my hopes built back up, just enough to start thinking that maybe this time … before he trips me – just because he can and because that’s his job –  and the whole thing starts all over again. He reminds me that I should be better, I should do better, and tells me just how disappointed and disgusted he is with me. He taunts me. Asks me why I ever thought I could change. How I ever thought I could ever break free of the chains that bind me to a life of obesity.

So, you might ask why I keep him around. Well, the answer is really quite simple. I can’t go anywhere without him. Because He is ME! I am my own worst enemy!

My weight has become an issue. It keeps me from feeling good physically, mentally, and emotionally. My primary care physician says I am morbidly obese. It’s in my records that I can access online. For any other medical professional who sees me in their office to see. It is embarrassing. Humiliating. Not that they couldn’t tell just by looking at me. Before I started the program, just walking was a challenge. I would get short of breath, and I didn’t dare get too far from a bathroom. I can’t even go a full hour without having to urinate. Studies have found that overweight men, especially those of us with a high amount of abdominal fat, have an increased risk of BPH – benign prostatic hyperplasia. BPH, more commonly known as an enlarged prostate. Shredding weight can help reduce prostate size and help mitigate bothersome and frustrating urinary symptoms.

And I mentioned humiliation. Here’s something else: A few years ago, as I was walking on a sidewalk in our neighborhood with my young granddaughter, a man who was driving by slowed down and yelled, “Heeeey, fatty!” I still remember the way it made me feel. My face flushed with embarrassment mixed with anger. Anger with him for what he said. Anger with myself, knowing it was true and I was the reason for it. I swore then that would be my defining moment.

But, as it turned out, it was short lived. I did lose some weight, but then I allowed circumstances to derail my effort. I blamed others who had contributed significantly to my derailment, bringing stress into my life – which for me has always been a license to go on long-term eating binges – but it was ultimately my own lack of discipline, my lack of self-control and focus, and my lack of commitment that was the root cause of my failure.

Even now, after all these years, that man who taunted and humiliated me in front of my granddaughter still haunts me, and I have to do something about it. Even though I will never see him again he is still a motivator, and an inspiration of sorts for me. I felt like a failure.

When I think of all the wasted time … the years I could have been enjoying better health and fitness … Time I could have felt good about myself … That time, all those years, are gone forever and there is nothing I can do to get them back. All I can do now is claim whatever time I have remaining. I started my new weight loss (weight shredding) program, and initially had good results.

Then, I cheated a little. Went back and forth between cheating and staying with the program. When I cheated, I gained weight. When I stayed with the program, I dropped back down a few pounds, then cheated again with predictable results.

Then, I started thinking in terms of total pounds left to go, of how long it would take. Worse, I started thinking of how quickly I could maybe drop the weight if I did everything perfectly. And of course I didn’t do everything perfectly. Thank goodness for my coach. She refuses to give up on me, and she always has good suggestions.

I’ve always believed that Fate is in the cards you are dealt. Destiny is determined by how you play them. So, I’m doing a reset. Starting over again. Again. I’ve done a lot of talking about getting fit and healthy. It’s time now for me to walk the walk if I’m going to talk the talk.

So, why will it be different now? What makes me think this time will be unlike before? Because now I am doing it for myself. I give myself permission to like, to respect, to love myself. I give myself permission to assign priority to my health, my well-being, and my happiness. I have concluded that, yes, my family is still a part of my why, but now they’re going to have to be only a small part of it.

My why – the major part of it, is now ME! If it is true that Fate is in the cards you are dealt and Destiny is determined by how you play them, it’s up to me to make some changes. So, I’m doing a reset. Starting over again. Again. Getting out of my own way.

As you believe, so you are. And for me, my beliefs needed to change. I am not limited to being what I thought I was. It is never too late to change, but why wait? I’ve heard it said “Leap, and the net will appear.” I made the decision to change, took the leap, and my net, which consisted of the program I’m on, my coach, and the support provided by our community appeared. Just when I needed it most.

You will become what you believe you can become. But what got you where you are now won’t get to where you want to go. You have to be willing to make changes. To commit to the process. To not give up. To stop and challenge yourself when tempted to deviate from the plan, “Does this support my efforts to make the changes I have committed to?” and then make the choice that serves me best. I have to change the way I think about food.

My relationship with food will determine the choices I make. If we are waiting until the conditions are perfect, if we are waiting for everyone to support and encourage us, if we are waiting for everyone to not tempt us to go off our health and weight plan “just this once”, then we will never stop. We just have to make the decision, jump in, and stick with it. If we don’t believe that we are worthy of what we want, the Universe will not provide.

We cannot negotiate the price of success. We have to dedicate ourselves to whatever it takes. Let go of disbelief. Let go of self-doubt and negative thinking. We shouldn’t believe everything we think.

Once we come to realize that what is happening in our lives is a direct result of what we think, we can make positive changes. At the center of our being, we have the answer. We know who we are, and we know what we want.

So, we must be true to ourselves. Be ourselves. Live our own lives. Determine our own destinies. I’m doing this for myself! And I hope you will do it for yourself as well. I’m giving myself the gift of loving myself, of believing in myself, and getting out of my own way.

I am acknowledging that I deserve a higher priority than I have given myself in the past. Because my destiny is better than what I’ve tolerated up until now. And … Because I can!